Big changes

My life will never be the same. I'm gearing up for two of the biggest changes I've ever made.

First, and most importantly, I'm getting married in 10 1/2 weeks. That is a hugely big deal! And while I love my fiance dearly, and I have no doubt we will survive the test of time, it's still an incredibly big deal to be getting married. My mind is having trouble wrapping around it. Me? A wife? A step-mother? Really? On the one hand, I'm totally ready! I can't wait to move on to "adult" life. On the other hand, I'm scared to death! This is a lifetime commitment, and a huge responsibility. So I am putting a lot of thought into filling the roles I must soon fill.

Now the other thing. For the past three months or so, my life has been changing gears. As recently as October, there wasn't a thought in my mind of ever leaving Texas. This is where my family is, this is where my friends are, this is my HOME! But I lost my job, and my fiance lost his job, and now we are living in my parent's living room. His mom lives a couple states away, and has a bigger house, in which we could have our own bedroom, and our son can have his own bedroom. The only reason we haven't already moved there is because our wedding takes place here, in April. I am having a hard enough time planning the wedding, without trying to do it long distance. So we are staying with my parents until our son gets out of school in May, then moving in with his mom. So far, I have gotten along with his family, especially his mom, really well. I'm not too worried about living with her. What I'm worried about is that I won't like living in a state I've never so much as visited. I'm worried that his mom won't like me so much once she has to live with me and sees how lazy I can get. I'm afraid of his little brother, who I haven't met yet, who will be moving into the house once he gets out of PRISON!

I know myself, and I know the kinds of things that make me change, and I am worried about how this move will affect me. Or more importantly, how it will affect US. I know that my fiance is excited to be moving back in with his mom. He grew up with her, and where we are moving is HIS home. Every time we talk about it, he has this child-like joy on his face. He can't WAIT to leave Texas behind him. He moved to Texas only two months before we met, so he says it's like God sent him here to find me, and is now telling him to "get the hell out". I've gotta say, that is what it seems like. We don't have much choice. We can't find jobs here, and there isn't enough room for us to stay with my parents without going crazy.

I know our son is also excited about moving back in with his "Nana". The time they've spent in Texas is the longest he's been away from his Nana and he frequently says he misses her. I know it will be a good thing for him to go back to what he thinks of as home.

I know that I will probably be ok, once we get there. In fact, one day when I was really letting myself freak out about it, God spoke to my mind. He said, "No matter where you go, or what you do, you won't be alone. I will be there, and I will take care of you." Since then, I've felt a lot better about the whole plan to move there, but I still get worried every once in a while.

For right now, I'm trying to concentrate on our wedding. I'm trying to pour all my nerves, and all my focus, and all my excitement into that. But I know that after the wedding, we will have only four weeks to prepare for the move.

If there's one thing I'm glad of, it's that we get to spend several months being close with my family before we go. I didn't realize how much I've missed living at home. And since I know it isn't for long, I am putting up with the inconveniences, and cherishing every moment.